The views and opinions expressed in this blog piece are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Musawah.
“In January 2003, I was pulled out of school, forced to travel to Pakistan with my uncle and his wife, and married to a 25-year-old man I had never met.” Aliya was 17 when she was married off to a stranger by her legal guardians and became trapped in an abusive forced marriage. She went through marital abuse, rape, and had three pregnancies, one of which resulted in a miscarriage. “I was trying to persuade my uncle to allow me to get out of my marriage and he told me, ‘The only way you’re going to get out of this marriage is if you die.’” Another woman named Sara was 15 years old when her father forced her to marry a 28-year-old man whom she met for the first time on the day of the wedding. “My father introduced me to my husband-to-be that morning in Los Angeles, and I was told I would marry him that night. I suffered from severe and debilitating depression, PTSD, and anxiety for years, even after my marriage.”
Many Muslim women are still subjected to cultural marriage practices that harm them, and neglect their consent. This happens when their families and guardians fall into the evil of what culture dictates, even when it is in contrast to the rulings of Allah. One of the rights Allah has given women in Islam is the right to choose a partner for marriage, which means that even legal guardians do not have the right to select partners for their daughters. “O believers! It is not permissible for you to inherit women against their will” (Surah An- Nisa 4:19). This verse is one of many examples from the Quran that in their totality affirm a woman’s agency, which include her right to consent. There is no room in Quranic ethics for a guardian to force his daughter into a marriage. Such cultural practices are ruining the lives of women and it is time we listen to, and honour, Muslim women’s consent.
Islam gives both men and women the freedom and agency to establish a marriage contract. In other words, the woman has the right to accept or reject the marriage proposal made to her. The full and free consent of a woman to a marriage proposal is one of the core elements of an Islamic marriage contract. Therefore her consent must be freely given, and not reluctant or hesitant in any way. Consent of a woman obtained under duress renders the marriage contract annulled. When the Prophet was asked about the consent of a woman in a marriage, he stated the following: Abu Hurayrah (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him) as having said: A woman without a husband (divorced or a widow) must not be married until her permission is sought. They asked the Prophet of Allah (May peace be upon him): How can her (virgin’s) consent be solicited? He ﷺ said: That she keeps silence. (Sahih Muslim, book 8, number 3303). Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) also reported: I asked Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him) about a virgin whose marriage is solemnised by her guardian, whether it was necessary or not to consult her. Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him) said: Yes, she must be consulted. Aisha reported: I told him that she feels shy, whereupon Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him) said: Her silence implies her consent (Sahih Muslim, book8, number 3305).
A woman’s silence as mentioned by the Prophet implies acceptance. This does not mean that a woman’s silence should be forced or that she should not express her rejection when she disapproves of a marriage proposal. This important context and clarification can be seen in the hadith narrated by Ibn Buraidah when he stated that: his father said “a girl came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: ‘My father married me to his brother’s son so that he might raise his status thereby.’ The Prophet ﷺ gave her the choice, and she said: ‘I approve of what my father did, but I wanted women to know that their fathers have no right to do that’” (Sunan Ibn Majah 1874, book 9, hadith 30).
When the renowned religious scholar, Ibn Taymiyyah (1328), was asked about the consent of a woman in a marriage, he said: “with regard to giving a woman in marriage when she is reluctant, this is contrary to the basic principles and common sense. Moreover Allah did not allow her guardian to force her into buying or renting without her permission, or to eat or drink or wear something that she does not want, so how can he force her into sleeping with and living with someone she does not want to sleep with, and living with someone she does not want to live with. Allah wants love and compassion between the spouses, and how can that be attained when she hates him and does not like him? What kind of love and compassion can there be in that case?” (Majmu’al-Fatawa, 32/25).
In Islam, we also know that the decision whether a man or a woman is ready for marriage and the choice of a suitable partner is one that must be made after deep reflection. Allah has described marriage to be of love and mercy, not of emotional abuse or trauma. “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect” (30:21). The rule of Allah must outweigh all cultural practices. An-Nawwas bin Sama’an (670) reported the Prophet saying: “a creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator.” (Mishkat al- Masabih 3696). We can conclude here that we cannot obey cultural rules that contradict with Allah’s rulings. To force a woman to marry her cousin, a friend of her father or someone the family owes money denies her comfort, compassion, and mercy in her own matrimonial home.
The role of a woman’s guardian should centre her happiness. A guardian must encourage his daughter to choose whom she wants as a spouse, in as much as his faith and character is satisfactory. Abu Hurairah narrated that: “The Messenger of Allah said: ‘When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (fasad) (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1084,book 11, hadith 5). It is the responsibility of a guardian to guide his daughter in selecting a righteous partner and make du’a for her when she has chosen the right person for her.
If marriage is half of one’s faith, how then can a woman who has been forced to marry fulfil this spiritual path? Men should fear Allah and marry women who have given their full consent to their proposals. Desiring a woman who doesn’t want the man as her husband is both against our Islamic values and teachings, and against the respect for women’s right to happiness and spiritual fulfilment. As Muslim women, we have to protect our right to consent for ourselves, and our children who deserve to be raised in a loving home. Muslim women must speak up against cultural practices that negate their rights. Turn to Allah for help, speak to your family about your disapproval, or get someone knowledgeable in the family, seek the assistance of a local Imam to talk to your family, or get support from organisations that advocate for such cases. Consent is our right, and we must stand up for it.
Bello Maryam Yetunde is a 27 year-old mother from Osun State in Nigeria. She holds a degree in law and describes herself as a student of Islamic knowledge. In her free time, she does research and writes on women’s rights in Islam.
