The views and opinions expressed in this blog piece are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Musawah.
In Islam, nikah, or marriage is considered an intimate lifetime form of ibadat between a man and a woman. Getting married was highly encouraged by the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), as soon as both the man and the woman were ready to get married, and had consented to being together. In Malaysia, it is compulsory for all local prospective Muslim couples to attend a two-day pre-marriage course organised by the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia, which is locally known as JAKIM. The course consists of modules to assist couples in understanding the fundamental practices and general principles of marriage and building a family in Islam. Upon completing the course, candidates are awarded with a certificate, which are among the documents required during the nikah ceremony.. The certification is also valid for life. The pre-marriage course has been studied and proved to be an effective method for newlyweds when it was first implemented in the 90s in one of the Malaysian states, Perak.
A two-day pre-marriage course and a lifetime certification, however, do not guarantee to keep the marriage forever. Marriage conflicts happening amongst Muslim couples in the modern days has become a never-ending social discussion. This is especially true when there is no solution or a way to mend the marriage, leading to divorce. Some individuals might question the relevance of the pre-marriage course, especially with soaring divorce rates across the country. Perhaps the course would still be effective if it is amended to suit today’s challenges? JAKIM itself highlighted that the modules of the course should be revised to adhere to the current problems facing Malaysians, such as domestic abuse, which is one of the factors contributing towards the high divorce rates in Malaysia.
Another important reason behind the high divorce rates is polygamy. Although Muslim men are allowed to practise polygamy, when not practised correctly, polygamy takes away the actual purpose of the marriage; based on Surah Ar-Rum, verse 21 the couple should benefit each other and obtain a life of sakinah (peace), mawaddah (love) and rahmah (affection). More importantly, during the era of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), polygamy was normalised mainly during war-time situations in order to protect widows and orphans. Today, however, the practice of polygamy has been manipulated by irresponsible individuals with the excuse that “it is sunnah.” To make matters worse, some men marry their second wives without the consent of their first wives. This is illegal in Malaysia, as a man must obtain consent and permission from the first wife and the Department of Syariah Judiciary Malaysia, in addition to proving that he has financial stability to support both existing and additional members of the family. Despite these clear regulations, some Malaysian men flock to Southern Thailand to marry their second, third, or even fourth wives secretly or illegally. Consequently, when the first wife discovers the event, some of them would seek divorce from their husbands. An added stress also occurs to the second wife, as marriage outside of Malaysia can result in complications of having stateless children who cannot obtain a Malaysian birth certificate.
Another factor that the courses do not take into consideration is the increase in interracial marriages in Malaysia. Since most pre-marriage courses in Malaysian states are conducted in the national language, Bahasa Malaysia, Muslim locals are able to gain the knowledge and information throughout the course easily. In the case that one of the partners does not speak the language, this puts them in a position where they do not acquire the same marriage knowledge as their partners.
These contemporary challenges are often neglected in the pre-marriage course. According to JAKIM, the delivery method of the modules has been similar for years: a qualified lecturer delivers the modules using slides, the participants attend the course by listening to the lectures, and eventually obtain the certificate once the course ends. With that, they are considered qualified for marriage. How effective the course is depends on the participants’ understanding of the material. Based on some participants’ feedback, the quality of the course also depends on the lecturers’ methodology and delivery: in one lecture for example, a lecturer took the initiative to practise a nikah procedure, aqad, with a male participant, so that he would get familiar with the future situation. For other participants, the goal is to merely obtain the certificate. Hence, attending a two-day course is worth their time. What remains worrisome is that for some people who might have completed the course only to obtain the certificate, the knowledge remains abstract theories they do not apply on their actual marriages.
The divorce rates amongst young Muslim couples is indicative of this worry. Many couples are well planned in hosting their wedding receptions, but are not equipped to solve challenges faced later in their marriages. Rather than listening to the lecture alone, wouldn’t it be much better to include a practical element to the courses? Some argue that additional and stricter methods such as pre-marriage tests would help in preparing the participants for marriage. Other arguments say that post marriage courses can be made compulsory for the couples after years of their marriage, to reduce high rates of divorce.
A successful marriage in Islam requires understanding of responsibilities of both husband and wife. Although the pre-marriage courses do not have the perfect formula in building a successful marriage, attending the course is still helpful. Therefore, it is highly recommended to promote the pre-marriage course in additional languages such as English, Chinese Mandarin, and others. It is also essential to include matters of concern in our modern society. The pre-marriage course has been an undoubtedly useful technique for Muslims to prepare for marriage, yet the modules and method of delivering should be continuously revised to better equip young couples for their marriage.
Asmaak is a writer and educator from Malaysia. Driven by her passion for social issues, she shifted her career from engineering to focus on education and writing. She initially started with playwriting and then focused on articles exploring Muslim rights and conditions in East and Southeast Asia. Through her writing, Asmaak sheds light on issues affecting Muslim communities in these regions, and hopes to contribute to a broader understanding that fosters development.